The World in Sepia?

So, is sepia a romantic haze, or just the world seen through shit smeared, tea stained binoes? I have always had a love of photography, but what was I to think when my actual world turned the colour of terracotta water?

Here I was innocently sitting at my desk (trying my hardest to look busy) when I peered out of my office window to find that everything was brown/orange!! The sea, the buildings, the sky. I looked out of the opposing window – MORE brown houses!! I waddled over to the “safety” window and very awkwardly craned my neck until it was contorted enough to squeeze through the bottom… nope, it’s not the glass, it’s the world. THE WORLD HAS GONE BROWN.

I mean we have all herd of vanilla skies, but Kenyan river skies? Last night the river burst it’s banks and the thunder roared. I half expected to wake to find the ground, buildings and trees stained orange, but it would seam that the norm of grey has been returned.

So:

Red sky at night – shepherds delight

Red sky in the morning – shepherds warning

Browny/orange sky in the afternoon - shepherds run for the hills – there’s a storm brewing

Bizarre skies apart all is well. The baby doth grow (see huge bump) like there is no tomorrow……. Of which there are few baby free ones remaining, 71 to be exact. Had a trip to the hospital on Wednesday which was not all that fun… was having really bad stomach cramps at work and ended up leaving. Like a crazed mad woman I got the buss to the hospital – I dunno what I was thinking – I was also crying inconsolably behind my €4.00 sunglasses, so I imagine I looked like a bit of a nutter. As it turns out everything is fine, and the crippling pain I was in is nothing to do with the wee one.

Aside from the drama and scaryness of the situation, something good came of it, in fact a few good and one bad thing came of it to be precise:

In typical Dr fashion, people were bustling around me spouting very scary sounding things in a very off the cuff way. Terms like, preterm labour, false labour, contraction monitor. There was talk of going to Malaga……… for the birth. You can’t use words like labour, birth or contractions around a not so ready/organised mother to be and then just WALK OFF!! Andy and I exchanged panicked glances a fair few times before it was clarified that we were in fact not about to become parents (well not yet anyway)!!

For me it ousted a feeling I had been harbouring. I have been really worried that I don’t really want the baby at all, that I will hate being tied down and having to look after it, resent him or her even. But all these worries have been well and truly quashed…. For that brief period of time where I thought the baby was maybe only a matter of hours away (all be them pain filled) all I could think about was how happy I felt that I was finally going to get to meet him/her. The fact that we have no crib and I currently have no idea how and when to breath paled into insignificance when compared to the awesomeness of having our little baby in my arms. I now it’s a bit OTT and soppy, but it was an amazing & relieving instinctive reaction.

On the not so shiny side of the coin, it would seam that the experience has sort of had the
opposite effect on Andy. Obviously I can’t speak for him, but I think that all these months of being my rock and feeling so under control were shaken ever so slightly by the prospect of a real baby. It would seam that my 7.5 months of panic and fearing I will be desperately inadequate have come to an end just as Andy’s have begun. it must be something that happens to every expectant parent… fatherhood is a daunting thing, but I genuinely can’t imagine anyone better for the job. Andy is: kind, gentle, honest, generous, loving, stubborn, hardworking, ambitious, proud, fun and a million other things… what more could any child ask for? Personally I’m banking on playing the she’s a bit odd but we love her card for my parenting responsibilities.

Rightly well back to counting the minutes until my maternity leave starts and staring vacantly at the ever filling inbox I am supposed to be monitoring. For now I leave you with this actual quote from a WallMart staff appraisal:

“the wheel is turning but the hamster is dead”

and:

what the fuck are these????